I don't take selfies; I take naps.
my ex sent me pics of another girl sucking his weiner one time because he thought it would make me mad and i wrote back “did your mom do something different with her hair?”
I’m sleepy and I wish I was kissing you.
A friend of mine just messaged me saying “I fucked up. I was doing math with my son, and I told him to ‘hold up eleven fingers’ and he started to panic and I didn’t realize why until he screamed ‘MOM…MOM I ONLY HAVE TEN”
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